


Fire meets Gasoline

by IWillGoDownWithThisShip1411



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: F/M, Genderbending, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2019-11-27 02:17:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18188480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWillGoDownWithThisShip1411/pseuds/IWillGoDownWithThisShip1411
Summary: A world in which things are more or less the same but for two key differences. One; it was Shizuka Heiwajima, not Shizuo Heiwajima that Izaya Orihara met that day at school. And two; it wasn't hatred that he felt.





	1. You lost me at Hello

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! My first multi-chapter fic on ao3. Enjoy!

_From that first moment we met. It was...not love at first sight exactly, but - familiarity. Like: oh, hello, it's you. It's going to be you_ _-_ Mhairi McFarlanc, You Had Me At Hello.

* * *

Chapter 1: You lost me at hello

“C’mon! Just meet her, I know you’ll like her!” Shinra’s whine broke through Izaya’s thoughts where he was watching his beloved humans move about in their school courtyard.

He was sure Shinra was trying to set him up romantically. The eccentric brunet was convinced that if Izaya had someone to moon over the same way Shinra daydreamt about his imaginary girlfriend he wouldn’t spend so much time annoying people and then could possibly avoid ending up in an early grave.

Now the only sort of person who could stand Izaya’s level of weirdness would be someone equally as weird. Fortunately for Shinra, any friend of his more than fit the bill by default.

Oh what the heck? Why not? At the very least, this girl could be fun to play around with. He wouldn’t _hurt_ her though, she was a friend of Shinra’s. But that didn’t mean he had to stop being him. Any girl Shinra wanted to be friends with Izaya was going to have to get used to that side of him eventually anyway.

Izaya sighed mentally, and that was the other reason he was agreeing to this when he didn’t even want another friend, let alone a girlfriend. He could deny Shinra nothing.

“Sure, I’ll meet her,” he sighed and Shinra squealed obnoxiously.

“Thank you Izaya! I’m sure you’ll hit it off with her. Oh I’m so glad my two friends are going to become friends…” the bespectacled boy continued to ramble on and Izaya cut him off before he could really get started.

“Well, let’s get this over with.”

Shinra nodded and checked his phone, “well I asked her to meet us here, but she hasn’t answered. Last time I checked she said she was on the soccer field.” He brightened, “let’s go look for her!”

“Whatever,” said Izaya, agreeable now that he’d committed himself to seeing this through. He shoved his hands in his pockets as Shinra texted his friend to let her know they were coming to her.

“Okay, let’s go!” Shinra said happily, he and Izaya set off for the soccer field.

And walked straight into something out of an urban legend.

* * *

Shizuka Heiwajima hated violence.

But one thing she hated more than violence were cocky asshole guys who thought her vagina made her inherently inferior to them. These sorts of males were too deep in their prejudices to ever learn. They saw, they _saw_ her rip a goalpost off the ground and swing it one-handed but couldn’t even fathom that they _may_ be in over their heads because she was small and blonde and cute and ‘just a girl.’ Shizuka couldn’t count the amount of times she’d heard a disbelieving thug or gangster say that.

Or maybe they did comprehend that they were outmatched. Humans feared Shizuka instinctively; their buried -but not gone- instincts telling them there was something not quite right about her, these idiots couldn’t be any different. Maybe they did understand the situation they were in but chose to aggravate her anyway.

Despite her bitter disposition Shizuka was still an optimist though. She didn’t want to believe even these idiots were that stupid.

The guys hit the ground, so did the goalpost Shizuka had thrown. Still, she really wondered sometimes.

 _Clap, clap, clap._ At the slow, mocking applause, Shizuka whipped around. Shinra was standing there with a boy she’d glimpsed that morning. She recognized him because he was wearing black with a red shirt instead of their usual school uniform and even though he’d been at a distance earlier she recognized that knife-like smile.

She glared at the boy, this was a look that had sent grown men running but he just gave her that sharp grin until his eyes met hers properly. Then it morphed into a true smile that turned him from ‘cute’ to stunning.

Shizuka’s instincts _screamed_ at her.  
  
_Incredible._ Awestruck and delighted, Izaya didn’t even realize he was the one clapping until the girl, Shinra’s friend; Shizuka, he presumed (and now he knew why the four-eyed bastard was so keen on getting them to meet each other, Shinra was 100% the sort of person who would mix two explosive substances together just to watch the results) whipped around to glare at him with brown eyes that held a golden sheen in the bright sunlight.

Izaya watched, transfixed, and time seemed to slow as those eyes met his.

Izaya had never believed in soulmates. You could just look at someone and know you’d found a soul that matched your own, sure, but people changed. There were events in life that marked and changed souls and someone who once harmonized with you perfectly could become incompatible with a simple change of opinion. Someone who’d once been your ‘soulmate,’ whom you'd fallen in love with at first sight could become a completely different person due to a seemingly minor event that changed them in some way. As he loved watching humans he also loved watching this in action.

So maybe what happened when his eyes met Shizuka Heiwajima’s was karma.

He looked at her and he knew, he had found someone who’s soul recognized his own, when Shizuka looked at him Izaya knew she _saw_ him, in a way that no one ever had before. Someone who understood him, who saw all parts of him, someone who knew him in ways no one else would with just a look. But _not_ someone who _accepted_ him and who he was.

He saw Shizuka’s pretty face twist in a snarl and her small body tense at just the sight of him. If she were a dog her hackles would be up and she’d be growling, actually, Izaya wasn’t 100% sure she wasn’t. She couldn’t even stand the sight of him.

This would be more fun than Izaya ever could have imagined!

Unstoppable force, meet immovable object.

Shinra was chatting to Shizuka amicably as though they did this every day (and what did Izaya know? Maybe they did?). He tuned back in just in time to catch Shinra introducing him and calling him a terrible person. With friends like these…

“Aww, that isn’t nice Shinra,” he said with a smile, his eyes never leaving Shizuka’s.

The doctor-to-be laughed, “it’s true though.”

Shizuka stared Izaya down with a ferocious glare on her face, she was smaller than she looked while swinging around huge hunks of metal, actually she wasn’t big at all, and her soft blonde hair waved around her in the wind, partially obscuring her huge brown eyes as she glared at him.

She was… cute as Hell honestly, but Izaya had enough good sense not to say that.

“You piss me off.”

What? Jesus, that was twice in one sitting Izaya had been so busy staring at Shizuka that he’d almost missed what someone had said.

He pouted at her words, spoken in a low, steady tone that seemed too old and too calm for this particular girl. He wondered what he’d have to do to make her voice go high in a scream.

No, no, _no._ Izaya almost laughed at his own thoughts, he hadn’t meant it like _that_ but now that he was thinking it, the idea wasn’t unappealing. He’d never found a girl attractive before. He could acknowledge when someone was aesthetically pleasing, yes, but he'd never been attracted to them like this.

Who was this girl? Trust Shinra to know the one girl in all of Ikebukuro who could punch through all of Izaya Orihara’s defences with just a look.

Actually no, never trust Shinra. Ever.

“Well that’s too bad, Shizu-chan,” said Izaya, amusement still apparent in his voice, “because I was thinking we could have some real fun together.”

Shizuka blinked disbelievingly and it was the first time one of them had broken eye-contact.

"What did you just call me?” She demanded.

Izaya was sure somebody said something else but whatever it was ended up lost in the resulting destruction, he _felt_ rather than saw fury take over Shizuka and when she swung at him, he was ready.

Jumping out of the way he let her destroy the remaining soccer goals, landing on his feet and slashing out with the switchblade he pulled out of his coat pocket. Not enough to hurt her, that was the last thing he wanted. Just enough to make her back off, cutting through part of her shirt and making her skip back a step, hand going to the cut in her clothes, eyes watching him warily, assessing him now.

Shinra was beaming at them as though they were getting along exactly as well as he had hoped, and perhaps they were, who could tell with Shinra?

“Will you go out with me?” The words were out of his mouth before Izaya had consciously decided to ask. He’d never pictured himself asking a girl out but now that he thought about it; he supposed he should have realized that if he ever did so; it would be after almost cutting a girl with a knife when she attempted to turn him into a bloody smear on the ground.

Apparently karma knew him better than he knew himself.

Shizuka looked like an adorable little killer deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car called Life’s a Bitch as she blinked incredulously again. Once, twice, three times, her anger apparently forgotten in the face of her astonishment.

“I’m sorry, _what?”_

Izaya smiled at her, “I wasn’t lying when I said I was hoping we could have fun together, I want to get to know you better. So what do you say?”

“Are you making fun of me?!” She demanded, was this guy touched in the head? Great, trust Shinra to… ugh, when this was over Shizuka was going to punt him into the sun. But she had to deal with this guy first.

“Get bent, creep,” like Izaya, Shizuka seemed to have spoken without thinking and she also stood by what she said.

Izaya spread his hands, the switchblade safely tucked in his coat again, “well that’s disappointing, but the offer’s always on the table if you change your mind.”

When she glared at him again Izaya got the feeling that he’d gotten himself into something he couldn’t get out of.

It was the best feeling in the world.

* * *

“Why. Are. You. Following. Me?” Shizuka’s eye twitched but she held it together, Izaya hadn’t done anything specific to annoy her, recently, he was just annoying in general. And she had to keep it together.

She’d managed to avoid serious disciplinary action for the incident on the soccer field, no matter how badly she’d hurt them, people were hesitant to punish a young teenage girl for hurting a bunch of older boys, especially when eye-witnesses confirmed those boys had attacked Shizuka first.

One of those eye witnesses looked at her with fake surprise now, “I go to school here too Shizu-chan, this is my classroom.”

She gritted her teeth at the hated nickname, Izaya had made another pass at her a few days ago and constantly flirted with her. But with none of the sophisticated charm she saw him use on other girls. No, with her he metaphorically pulled her pigtails until she was forced to pay attention to him.

Shizuka had never considered how to woo a girl before but even she knew the obvious was not to annoy the girl you wanted to like you. Contrary to what most popular media would have you believe; girls did not pretend to vehemently hate guys they secretly liked as some sort of bizarre courtship ritual.

But she clearly couldn’t expect Izaya to follow the rules of normal human behaviour, “fuck off,” she snapped and he left. He always left her alone when she told him to. He said he didn’t want to harass her into going out with him or in general, which was nice and appeared to be true, he hadn’t asked her out since that first time a week ago. He continued to flirt with her but he always backed off when she told him to.

That, honestly, Shizuka could handle, even if it was _bizarre_ that Izaya had asked her out after she attempted to (at least) put him in the hospital. Maybe he had some weird fetish about strong girls? Either way, the flirting was annoying, but tolerable. It was everything else about Izaya she couldn’t stand.

Lying, manipulative, cocky little…

* * *

Shizuka took a couple of deep breaths to calm herself and Izaya chuckled.

“I annoy you that much?”

“You actively try to make me angry, well guess what? I’m angry. Don’t act surprised,” said Shizuka, she was _sure_ he was the one who had taken her math homework.

It had turned up fine, the teacher had handed it back to her the next day which meant it had somehow made it’s way to the pile with the others but Shizuka hadn’t handed it in and, after she asked around no one else knew anything about it.

No harm no foul really, except Shizuka cursing up a storm that night. Her, uh, _attitude_ meant that she couldn’t afford to have her academic performance drop if she wanted to remain at Raijin. And she couldn’t afford to move schools, she already put her parents through enough. But one lost piece of homework was hardly likely to get her kicked out when she’d ripped up trees and hit other students with them and been allowed to stay. But _still…_

He kept doing little things like that which made Shizuka want to strangle him. He’d sneakily tied her shoelaces together before provoking her into chasing him the other day too!

This was also tolerable, if not enjoyed. It was the way Izaya treated everyone else that made Shizuka dislike him so much.

When she first saw him, her instinctual thought had been that he was pure evil. And while she was willing to admit that might _(might)_ be a bit harsh she hadn’t been kidding when she’d thought he was lying, manipulative and cocky, amongst other things.

He had a cult of teenage girls who worshipped him.

A _cult._

Simple life 101; anyone who had a cult was bad news.

And Shizuka sure as Hell wasn’t interested in being one of those girls.

“Yes,” she said in answer to Izaya’s question, “you annoy me that much.”

He enjoyed playing with people’s lives and emotions and Shizuka was no exception.

The one real exception to Izaya’s little mind games tugged on her other arm from where he was walking on her other side.

“Shizuka! Be nice to Izaya! He’s my friend! I was looking forward to all of us going to High School together, I don’t want you two to hate each other!” Shinra whined.

“Instead of telling me to put up with him, why to you tell him to stop being such a shit?!” Shizuka growled.

Izaya and Shinra both chuckled, “I tried, but that’s an exercise in futility. So now I’m gonna bug you instead,” said Shinra lightly. Well that made sense.

Shizuka sighed mentally as Izaya said something to Shinra over the top of her head, his voice warm in a way she’d never heard it with anyone else.

Izaya Orihara was a lying, manipulative, cocky, annoying little shit who might be a bit odd in the head and was probably pure evil and sent every survival instinct in Shizuka blaring in repudiation but that didn’t change one fact.

He was Shinra’s friend.

So Shizuka _supposed_ that just _maybe_ she could possibly _pretend_ to tolerate him. For a while at least.

“You guys want to hang out after school?” She asked when they’d finished talking, she glanced at Izaya to make it clear she was including him in this suggestion and saw his eyes widen slightly in surprise.

Shinra beamed at her, “sure, sounds like fun.”

Izaya smiled at her too, a real smile, and Shizuka would be lying if she said it wasn’t a nice smile.

“I’d like that,” he said sincerely.

Well she wouldn’t, but okay, sure. She could give this ‘pretending to tolerate Izaya’ thing a go.

Until the next time he annoyed her anyway.


	2. Not all girls want bad boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone who read chapter 1; I'm glad you enjoyed it! Here's chapter 2!  
> To Muzuki_chan in particular; thank you for your comment! I hope you don't mind if I steal that description at some point and call Izaya a shitty gremlin because I probably will.  
> I know it's in the tags but I feel the need to reiterate; There Is Swearing In This Fic.  
> Other than that, enjoy!

* * *

_When it's real, you can't walk away from it_ -Alexis Branson, The Vampire Diaries.

* * *

Chapter 2: Not all girls want bad boys

“Darling you’re a nine and I’m the one you need,” Shizuka didn’t look up but she didn’t need to. Only one person had that velvet-soft voice with an amused lilt that made her want to _throw a fucking desk at him._

Despite her annoyance, her mouth twitched involuntarily in amusement at his stupidity.

Fighting a smile, she said; “I don’t think your fanclub appreciates you talking to me like that,” she nodded at the group of girls Izaya had just been talking to.

Unconcerned, he shrugged, “I told them how I felt about you. They support me; actually. They told me to compliment you, be polite, get to know you, and wear a button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up.” He shrugged again at the last one, looking slightly confused this time as he looked down at himself.

Now that he’d pointed it out to her, Shizuka noticed Izaya _was_ wearing a white button-up shirt, the sleeves rolled most of the way up his forearms, his usual black jacket nowhere to be seen.

He looked good, she’d never seen him in anything other than the Hell-coloured getup he normally wore to school, the white looked nice against his skin and set off his dark hair.

And -Izaya ran a hand through his hair absently, cutting off Shizuka’s train of thought. Shit, the girls at her school Did. Not. Play!!! What was it about guys in shirts with the sleeves rolled up? Shizuka might be strong but she was as weak to that look as any other girl. _Damn_ him. And damn those girls for helping him.

Catching her staring, Izaya smirked, “see something you like?” He asked innocently.

Shizuka growled at him rather than dignify that with an answer, “what do you want?” She asked in return.

Soft laughter, “lots of things, Shizu-chan,” Izaya said, his voice almost a murmur.

He slid into the chair opposite hers and they chatted about trivial things. If her instincts would let her forget the boy sitting across from her was dangerous in a very different way from her, it would have been almost nice.

When Izaya caught a couple of the girls who idolized him giving him (or; more accurately; his button up) and Shizuka wondering looks, he gave them the okay signal behind his back. This caused the girls to whisper amongst themselves and high-five each other triumphantly.

“Damn groupies,” grumbled Shizuka, who always picked the worst moments to be hyper-observant, “they’re supposed to be on _my_ side. What happened to female solidarity?!”

“Which side is that Shizu-chan? The ‘don’t-date-Izaya-Orihara’ side? Sorry, but I think if you want allies you’re going to have to look elsewhere.” He rested his arms on the back of his chair, “you can have Shinra on your side.”

“Oh gee, thanks.” Shizuka looked back at her book, kept her eyes on it when she spoke, “I’ve got a question.”

“Fire away.”

“Why are you doing this?” At his blank look, she elaborated, “why do you want me to go out with you so badly anyway? You can’t just be after me because I don’t want you.”

“Don’t sugar coat it Shizu-chan, just tell me how you feel,” Izaya said very sincerely. He rolled his shoulders, “well, why do you _not_ want to go out with me so badly?”

“Because you’re evil,” said Shizuka without hesitation, she’d decided she’d been correct with her original impression of him. “You play with other people’s lives to keep yourself above them because you’re too chickenshit to risk being part of them and opening yourself up to being hurt. Which makes you a coward. But _that’s_ forgivable. What isn’t its that you _enjoy_ it. You enjoy hurting people.”

“And you don’t,” Izaya murmured.

It wasn’t a question but Shizuka replied anyway, “no, I _don’t!_ I _hate_ violence! I _hate_ that I can’t stop myself from getting angry. And the fact that you not only seem interested in that part of me; you seem to _like_ it makes me _hate_ you more!”

Shizuka hadn’t noticed she’d been leaning forward as she spoke until she realized Izaya’s eyes were centimetres away, she was practically in his lap. Still, she didn’t move away. It would be a cold day in Hell before she backed down from Izaya Orihara.

Something flittered through Izaya’s eyes and Shizuka’s instincts (which were never wrong when it came to the shitty flea) told her she’d _hurt_ him. Then he blinked and the expression was gone as well as Shizuka’s gut feeling.

“Well, you can’t be any clearer than that,” said Izaya. He’d leaned forward too and now deliberately leaned back, “let’s say for arguments sake that’s all completely true; you couldn’t have known that when we first met, but you still tried to hurt me Shizu-chan. So awful.”

“I did know!” Insisted Shizuka, she knew she wasn’t being logical, that what she was saying didn’t make rational sense, she didn’t care. “I knew from the minute I saw you exactly what you were like.”

“And there you go; that’s why I want to go out with you,” finished Izaya, nodding at her.

_Huh?  
_

Shizuka sucked in a breath, Izaya continued regardless, “I think we’d be good together, not because we’re similar, but because we aren’t, but we understand each other. You looked at me and knew me but didn’t like me. I like you the way you are, I want to know all of you too. Is that so crazy?”

“Yes. You’re out of your damn mind,” Shizuka managed, her heart hammering. _Why?_ He was at least partially right, she knew that there was some form of understanding between them. But _why_ was the only person who ‘got’ her, who understood her thoughts and feelings, who wasn’t afraid of her strength… why did it have to be _him?_

Izaya stood, “you said I was a coward and, well, you’re not wrong,” he admitted. “But one of us is scared of whatever this is between us and opening up to being hurt. And it isn’t me.”

He laced his fingers behind his head, “well, that’s the bell. See ya round Shizu-chan, as always; if you decide you want to take a chance; you know where to find me.”

“I thought you’d hate that,” Shizuka admitted, “someone who could see through you, someone who knew you and cared.” Shinra knew Izaya, understood what he was like, but the bespectacled brunet was _spectacularly_ unconcerned with the way Izaya acted. Shizuka was not Shinra.

Izaya paused, “honestly, I used to think I’d hate that too. But that was before I met you. You’re so perfect, how could I not want a chance?”

“That isn’t normal,” said Shizuka flatly, “the way you’re handling this is not normal.”

Izaya smiled, he smiled with his eyes more than his mouth, Shizuka noticed, “a girl throwing street signs isn’t normal. Yet here we both are.”

He left, Shizuka stayed where she was, thinking over the things they’d said.

She didn’t even particularly _want_ to be in a relationship, there was no way she was compromising her morals by dating or even liking a guy like Izaya just because…

Just because he understood her in ways no one else ever had.

Just because he wasn’t afraid of her strength, not only that but he a _ccepted_ it, she wouldn’t  have to constantly watch herself around him, _he liked her as she was.  
_

Just because he was smart and funny and handsome and totally into her and best friends with her best friend.

Just because…

Wait, what was she arguing about?...

Well it didn’t matter because she wasn’t lowering her standards! She only had one: _a decent guy._ And Izaya didn’t even reach _that_ bar! She would never date him! Ever!

He was wrong! Well he was partially right, but he was also wrong; she wasn’t _scared_ of him knowing her! He was a shit, that was all there was to it! _She didn’t even want a boyfriend!_

Shizuka thoughts repeated on a loop like that but no matter how many times she told herself it didn’t matter, her traitorous heartbeat refused to slow down as those words echoed in her head, _"You’re so perfect..."_

* * *

A knife whizzed past Shizuka’s ear as she jerked her head to avoid it. Izaya wasn’t aiming to hurt her but she still didn’t like ruining her clothes with the little nicks and cuts of the blades brushing her and getting caught in her hair.

She wasn’t totally successful, a few blonde strands fluttered to the ground, she threw the street sign she was holding at Izaya.

The next knife grazed her cheek opening a thin red line, she barely felt the sting. It didn’t go any deeper than her skin, it couldn’t, her body was like iron and she didn’t scar often so it wasn’t a big deal. But Izaya paused.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit you.”

Shizuka’s temper had cooled since they started running two hours ago and she was able to wrench it under control enough to snarl, “what the _hell_ is the point then?!”

Izaya pulled out another knife _(how_ did he have so many??? Where was he keeping them all?!?!?) and pointed it at her, “these little games are about testing my skills against yours. They aren’t about hurting you, they were never about hurting you.”

In response, Shizuka yeeted the vending machine she was standing next to at him and when he glared at her reproachfully, she glared back.

“I'm not that weak.”

Izaya smiled at her. The next knife was aimed directly at her face.

Smiling back, Shizuka knocked it out of the way and the chase resumed.

* * *

“Aren’t you afraid of me?”

Izaya, who had been resting on a rooftop, started slightly at the unexpected question. For someone naturally so loud; his Shizu-chan could be incredibly quiet when she put her mind to it.

Not half an hour ago she’d been swearing that she’d punch his lights out, he’d annoyed her one too many times. This was their third fight this week after all. But right now, she appeared calm.

Satisfied he wasn’t in immediate danger, Izaya yawned and went back to sunbathing, his face turned up towards the few dismal rays of light that had finally protruded through the week-long clouds.

“People only fear what they don’t understand, Shizu-chan.”

“Are you saying you understand me?”

“I’m saying I want to. And yes, to an extent, I think I do,” despite whatever soul-deep sense of companionship there was between them, some part of Shizuka remained a mystery. She was unpredictable, he could understand how she would _feel_ about something but when it came to what she’d _do_ about it, she always surprised him. He could understand her emotions, not her actions.

This was the opposite to how Shizuka understood him, _why_ he wanted to do the things he did she could never understand, but the minute she knew what he was up to she became a damn prophet, guessing his every action with near-perfect accuracy.

The subtle, intricate nuisances of their relationship that had grown, even over the relatively short period of time they had known each other and would continue to grow. Izaya was a fairly patient guy and he was in no rush now, one day he’d be able to predict Shizu-chan’s actions, and maybe, just maybe, she’d come to understand his too.

His heart beat a little faster at the thought.

He looked over as Shizuka took a seat on the roof’s edge, her legs hanging over the five story drop.

If he shoved her off the roof she’d probably land on her feet, he thought with amusement and no small amount of awe. She’d definitely get back up here and try to return the favour.

Shizuka’s hands clenched on the edge of the roof hard enough to crack the brick, “don’t even fucking think about it.”

Izaya bit the inside of his cheek to keep his laughter silent. See? Shizuka was already becoming better at predicting the things he wanted to do and why.

Shoulders still shaking slightly Izaya said, “so no, obviously I don’t fear you. I understand you and I like you. I have a very healthy respect for your ability to squash me like a bug-”

-“pfft, like Hell you do,” Shizuka muttered.

“-but no, I don’t fear you. I’ve been enchanted with you from the minute we met, how could I be scared of you?”

Shizuka didn’t say anything for a full minute and Izaya began to feel like he’d overstepped one of the invisible lines in their relationship, “I’m sorry, I’ve made you uncomfortable.”

Shizuka blinked, her eyelids covering her eyes for several long seconds before she opened them again, “I’m not uncomfortable, you’re full of shit.”

Izaya smiled, relieved. She wasn’t uncomfortable, she was _shy,_ “you knew me so well you could tell exactly what kind of person I was just by looking at me.”

“And?!”

“You know when I’m lying. And you know I’m not lying now.”

Shizuka broke off a brick and threw it at him, “oh shut up flea!”

As she chased him off the roof the rose-pink blush across her cheeks was fully visible. And if Shizuka claimed it was from the exertion, well, Izaya knew better.

* * *

_Stupid._

She’d been so stupid.

Hands shaking slightly Shizuka patted Yuki’s shoulder sympathetically. Eventually the two girls bid each other goodbye and parted ways, Shizuka hanging onto her temper by a thread.

 _How could I be so fucking dumb?_ Shizuka asked herself for about the millionth time that day.

She knew she wasn’t the brightest crayon in the pack, but she was by no means stupid and her instincts were almost never wrong. They’d been _telling_ her, she just hadn’t _listened._

But despite her very real anger, hatred and distrust, Shizuka had allowed herself to be charmed by Izaya. He _was_ charming when he wanted to be, but she had known better and let herself be charmed anyway!

Maybe she wasn’t one of those bruised and battered girls who followed him around taking his every word as gospel but she’d put her faith in the eccentric, but not bad, guy she wanted to believe was in him somewhere and he’d reminded her why she should _always_ trust her instincts.

Her friend Kyohei Kadota caught sight of her face and stopped, “oh shit, what did he do?”

“What _didn’t_ he do?! Half the things that go wrong in this damn city are his fault!” Shizuka half-snarled. She ran a hand through her long hair.

She’d known the minute that gang came after her something was wrong. Since Shinra had ‘let slip’ to Izaya what a problem constantly being attacked by gangs was for Shizuka she’d seen a rapid and marked decrease in the number of gangsters who were coming after her.

As hard as it was for Shizuka to accept, it had seemed as though Izaya was flexing his manipulation skills by _helping_ her, the gangs staying away was likely his doing.

So when she’d seen those losers this morning she knew that something was wrong. They were nothing, just a distraction. But a distraction from _what?_ Izaya really did not want Shizuka finding him that morning. Why?

He wasn’t in class, which wasn’t unusual, but Shizuka got her answer when Yuki a girl she chatted to occasionally who didn’t fear Shizuka too much, came up to her after their first lesson.

“No offence, but I really hate your boyfriend right now,” said Yuki gloomily, her usually expressive brown eyes dark.

Shizuka didn’t even pretend not to know who she was talking about or bother correcting her, in fact, the statement, which normally would have enraged her, barely registered; she had bigger worries.

Her response was remarkably similar to the question Kyohei had just asked her, “what he do?”

Shizuka told Kyohei everything Yuki had told her and he sighed before placing his hands on her shoulders. “I’ll talk to him,” Kyohei promised.

Shizuka absently patted one of his hands, “don’t worry about it. I’ll handle it. I was kidding myself thinking this wasn’t a long time coming.” It wasn't like this was the first time Izaya had hurt someone since Shizuka met him, this was just the first time she couldn't let it go.

She found Izaya not long afterwards. She didn’t yell, didn’t make any noise or sudden movements, just picked up a nearby trash can and threw it at him with perfect accuracy.

Izaya landed hard on the cement while Shinra, whom he had been talking to, wisely made himself scarce.

Izaya picked himself up gingerly, wincing, “well, good morning to you too Shizu-chan. You dealt with those thugs quickly.” _Not quickly enough though,_ went unsaid.

Damn, he wasn’t even _pretending_ not to know why she was angry and it was somehow _more_ infuriating.

“Why would you-” Shizuka cut herself off with a violently dismissive gesture, “doesn’t fuckin matter, like Hell I’d understand what goes through your shitty head.”

“Yes, we’ve established that,” said Izaya patiently, he leaned against the wall he’d almost gone through, the picture of nonchalance. Only he knew he was leaning because he couldn’t stand properly.

“Yeah, I don’t know why I keep asking,” Shizuka admitted, _“why would you do something like that?_ Fucking pointless question. Instead I’ll just yell at you. You ruined three relationships!”

 _Is this fun for you?!_ Shizuka bit off that next question. They both knew the answer to that.

Izaya sighed, “why do you care so much? None of them were your relationship. You barely know any of them.” Izaya could count on one hand the amount of people he cared for to the degree where he wouldn’t mess with them and still have fingers left over but Shizuka was one of them.

“You don’t care at all?!” Shizuka demanded. Three relationships ruined, Yuki and her boyfriend had been together for nearly three years now, the other two she was less sure about, but she knew Yuki and Daisuke had been planning on getting married and living together after high school. Maybe they and their relationship were a little starry-eyed and naive, but that wasn’t _bad!  
_

And now this absolute -Shizuka mentally called Izaya a word she wouldn’t dare say in front of her mother- had ruined that, for what?!

“No, I don’t,” said Izaya, he raised an eyebrow, “I didn’t know any of them either Shizu-chan, why would I care if I upset them?”

Shizuka had no (more) disillusions about Izaya, she knew he wasn’t capable of feeling empathy for complete strangers. No, he was, he just _chose_ not too, she admitted. That actually didn’t bother her too much. Shinra was the same, they both had their small bubble of people (or in Shinra’s case; one Dullahan) whom they protected ferociously and loved to pieces and anyone else could screw off but…

“There’s a difference between ‘I don’t know these people so their lives don’t affect me’ and ‘I don’t know these people so I can be cruel to them and not care’,” said Shizuka.

She eyed Izaya. She’d felt a lot of emotions towards him, anger, impatience, embarrassment, curiosity and yes, amusement and even a small amount of warmth but here was an emotion she hadn’t felt since they first met.

Disgust.

“Don’t do that again,” she said, turning to leave.

Izaya raised an eyebrow, “you’re letting me off with a warning? That’s not like you Shizu-chan.”

He was trying to provoke her, but angry as she was at him Shizuka didn’t want to chase after him. No, for the first time she wanted to get _away_ from Izaya Orihara.

Shizuka turned back to him, “you want to put people in situations to see how they react? Fine, whatever. I’m sick of fighting you on that. Do whatever you want. But if you start ruining their lives again, I will _end_ you.”

Her unusually flat eyes met his fully, “but while you’re at it; you can stay away from me. You said you wanted to get to know me? Well you’ve just shown me exactly what kind of person you are and I’m not interested in knowing you. I mean it; _stay away from me.”_

Then Shizuka really did turn on her heel and leave, bitterly fighting an emotion she swore wasn’t disappointment.

Izaya opened his mouth, then shut it again. For the first time in his life he had no idea what to say.

Kyohei approached him, hands in his pockets, one eyebrow raised as he watched Shizuka calmly and quietly walk away. “You’re gonna need more than flowers to fix this, moron.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it guys. Hopefully I'll see you soon.


	3. Enemies to Frienemies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I'm back! Special thanks to Muzuki_chan again for your review. I literally screamed when I read it I loved it so much.  
> This chapter isn't as romantic as I wanted but I hope you'll all like it anyway.  
> Enjoy!

* * *

_In case you ever foolishly forget: I am never not thinking of you_ -Virginia Woolf, Selected Diaries.

* * *

Chapter 3: Enemies to Frienemies

Damn, Shizuka was finally remembering what it felt like not to over complicate things by thinking horrible things about a _certain guy_ with her thoughts on an endless loop. It had been two weeks since she’d even spoken to _him_ and her life was uncomplicated again and she felt _great!  
_

“Do you ever just see something that makes you so happy you can’t stop smiling for the rest of the day?” She asked Shinra cheerfully as they walked to class together.

“Every time I see my beloved Celty!” He said, brightening. “But I’ll ask; what kind of dog did you see?”

“A miniature dachshund,” said Shizuka, still cheerful. Wasn’t it cute how Celty made Shinra so happy?! A little weird. But cute. And _dogs.  
_

Dogs were _awesome._

Shinra laughed, “well I’m glad to see dogs can still put you in a good mood, you’ve seemed kinda depressed recently, I was beginning to worry.” Shizuka was like a stick of dynamite, quick to blow up, quick to settle down. This quiet moodiness hadn’t suited her at all.

“Huh?” Shizuka blinked at Shinra. Had she? She’d been _quieter_ recently yes, but that was because Iz- _*ahem*_ the Guy who Must Not be Thought About really had been sticking to his promise to leave her alone and her _life_ had been quieter recently.

She hadn’t even had another run in with a gang or other morons looking to make a name for themselves by challenging her. Despite her rejection, Izay- _*AHEM*_ that guy, you know the one; still seemed to be doing his best to keep them away from her.

Still, she hadn’t expected it to be _this_ quiet for this long.

“I am not depressed,” said Shizuka half-irritably, “and if you say it’s cuz I actually miss that stupid fleabag I will-” She broke off abruptly, the back off her neck prickling in warning.

Shizuka stopped walking, “Shinra go inside.”

The brunet caught the tone of her voice and glanced around them warily, “okay, I’ll tell the Mrs. Ochi you’re going to be late,” he said, hoisting his bookbag as he hurried to the doors.

“Thanks,” said Shizuka, also eyeing their surroundings, although with much less caution and much more fury. She moved to the middle of the courtyard, “well?! I haven’t got all damn day!”

The first few guys moved out from behind the hedges the school insisted made the area look professional, “you’re quick,” said the guy in front who was holding a metal pipe. To his credit he wasn’t projecting that (infuriating) moronic macho swagger a lot of these types generally did and was indeed looking at Shizuka as though he believed her to be a threat.

But he was clearly still a moron. Because Shizuka _was_ a threat. Like none he’d ever seen before.

More goons moved out of the bushes behind her and Shizuka studied them as she dropped her bookbag. She vaguely recognized the leopard-print armband most of them wore. A gang from a city nearby. Not close enough to know that what they were doing was a _very_ bad idea but close enough that they’d heard of the Beast of Ikebukuro and knew that beating her would skyrocket their street cred.

Too bad that wasn’t going to happen.

Shizuka sighed as she pulled off her jacket and tied it around her waist, _I really hate violence.  
_

That was when she heard the _click_ behind her.

Shizuka whirled on the men standing there, temper flaring. She knew that noise.

“Is that a gun?!” She demanded, livid. She might be as good as bulletproof but the rest of the students weren’t! “This is a school, you bastards, a _school!_ There are children here!”

The man pulled the trigger, the bullet barely brushed Shizuka’s shoulder, aiming one wasn’t as easy as TV made it look. She ignored the sting and lunged at the guy, her vision going white with fury.

Shizuka grabbed the gun and stared the man dead in the eye as she crushed it, and his hand, between her fingers. He howled in rage and pain, Shizuka grabbed him and threw him at the leader with the pipe. Several more jumped at her.

From the doorway, Izaya shook his head, _idiots._ His eyes focused on Shizuka, currently bending the head thug’s metal pipe like it was paper. _Poor thing, she doesn’t deserve this._

Despite this, he still snickered when she threw a man and he landed in a nearby rubbish bin, _been there._

Well it didn’t look like she needed -or would welcome- his help. Not that he’d thought she would. Instead of getting in her way and breaking his promise he’d just continue to try and keep gangs away from her. Clearly he was failing. He needed to try harder.

* * *

At the beginning of the week Shizuka had been surprised how peaceful things were. It was as though life had been waiting for her to think that. Now that she had, it pulled the rug out from under her yelling “psych, dumbass!”

Shizuka got into _six_ fights over the rest of the school week, which was a lot, even for her. Two more were with gangs; the rest of that fashion-disaster leopard print gang come to avenge their buddies, and their rivals, who seemed to be taking their nemeses’ defeat personally. One was with thugs Shizuka was pretty sure were low-level Yakuza but as she never saw or heard from them or anyone connected to them again; maybe not. One more was with a group of drunk men who tried hassling a woman on the street when Shizuka was walking around at dusk. She had the feeling they would not be doing so again. The second to last could barely be called a fight, as it was simply a classmate who seemed to think that needling (?) the short-tempered, super-strong girl in his class (??) was a good idea (???!!)

* * *

As it was, Shinra’s statement turned out to be prophetic. _Now_ Shizuka was miserable. She hated violence. Hated, _hated_ fighting. But it seemed she wasn’t destined for anything else. She was the embodiment of violence, a ‘calamity given human form’ was a term she’d heard used once and right now, it seemed to fit.

And it made Shizuka feel totally, wretchedly, alone.

She dropped her bag in her room and changed out of her mussed up uniform, still gloomy.

Well it was better than being angry and wrecking things, she supposed.

Flopping down on her bed she fired of a quick text message to Shinra and Kadota, asking them what they were up to like she hadn’t just seen them both an hour ago. It was more out of boredom than because she cared about their after-school hobbies or actually wanted to initiate a conversation. And it did nothing to assuage the loneliness inside her.

She’d never admit it, but she spent her time at school scanning the halls for a familiar black outfit and scruffy hair.

Izaya’s -she thought his name with a sigh- spot in her life was empty. It had been an annoying, useless spot in her life but it was his and his alone and she did notice his absence.

This was made worse by the fact that _she_ was the one who had told him to get lost.

Rolling onto her side, Shizuka pulled her legs up, wrapping her arm around them, _I wonder if he thinks about me too?_

She wasn’t angry at Izaya anymore, as Shinra had thought; Shizuka was quick to anger and quick to forgive but the reason why she had gotten mad at him in the first place was still there.

He enjoyed hurting people. And she never wanted to hurt another person again.

So if he did it again, she’d be forced to flatten him with a vending machine. She couldn’t just stand by and let him hurt people when she had the power to stop it. That would make her as bad as him.

And he _was_ bad!

…And she still missed him.

A knock on her door, Shizuka could tell just by the sound it was her brother. “Go away Kasuka, I’m brooding.” She called. Her brother; like most brothers, took this to mean he was perfectly welcome to come inside and annoy her.

Holding his phone in one hand, Kasuka left the door open, “I heard about what happened.”

Great, the last thing she needed was her baby brother worrying about her being in fights, didn’t she trouble him enough?

Knowing exactly how Kasuka had found out, Shizuka sat up and picked up her own phone again, firing off another text to Shinra, _‘stop snitching motherfucker,’_ before throwing it back down on the bed.

“Are you okay?” Kasuka moved further into the room, sure now that Shizuka wasn’t going to enforce her stay out command.

“I’m fine Kasuka, just annoyed. You’d think they’d learn eventually.”

Kasuka sat down on the bed beside her, he didn’t say anything else, just turned his attention back to his phone. Slowly he let himself lean against Shizuka, eventually resting enough weight on her that, had she not been super-humanly strong, he’d have been crushing her.

Shizuka rested her head against him in return and his warmth eased the painful emptiness inside her.

* * *

The final fight was on Friday.

After several more run-ins that couldn’t quite be called fights, Shizuka was more or less over her melancholy in favour of high tension. Her nerves were shot to Hell, she was cursing her entire existence and on complete sensory overload. Every little thing fried her already fried nerves a little bit more.

A recipe for complete disaster.

“If there is a God, he better hope he and I never meet when I die because he has a _lot_ to answer for,” said Shizuka to Shinra during lunch, _just a few more hours…._ Her usual pissed-off growl was a little more shrill than normal and her heel tapped out a fast beat on the cement as she bounced her knee up and down repeatedly.

Shinra knew better than to react to his friend’s stress. Instead, he just smiled, “no one who’s been around me or Izaya for as long as you have is getting into Heaven so don’t worry about it!”

Angry brown eyes fixed on him, “I asked you not to say his name.”

 _Drama queen,_ Shinra shook his head fondly, “very sorry. I-“

Whatever else he was going to say, Shizuka never found out as just then a group of senior boys walked up to them. She’d just opened her mouth to ask what they wanted when one of them grabbed Shinra, seated between Shizuka and the boys, and threw him roughly to the side to get to her. “Oi, you.”

Shizuka watched Shinra go sprawling as if in slow motion. The minute he hit the ground her foot stopped tapping, the buzzing in her head cut off abruptly, like a switch being flicked.

The guy who’d thrown Shinra was shouting at her, something about one of the woman-hasslers she’d beaten being his older brother, only every second or third word was penetrating the bubble around Shizuka that wasn’t her usual rage but an eerie calm.

Shinra, completely fine, shook his head from his spot on the ground, “oh dear…”

 _Then_ the rage hit Shizuka.

* * *

Izaya wasn’t sure what he heard first, the crashing of school property being destroyed or the screaming, but both were very loud.

Walking unhurriedly to the source of the noise he found Shizuka in full rage-mode and several male students looking as though they very much regretted their life choices.

Shit, these weren’t gangsters or even just adults, if Shizuka wasn’t careful she was going to seriously hurt those kids, but she was probably too far gone to notice that.

But, even if they had 100% done something to deserve/provoke an ass-kicking, if Shizuka seriously injured or worse those dumb kids she’d never forgive herself.

Izaya didn’t care about those boys but he cared about Shizuka and her ridiculously huge heart that was as soft as the rest of her was strong.

Affection, he thought with a sardonic smile as he pulled a knife from his pocket, could make very smart people do very stupid things.

“Hey, Shiuz-chan!” He yelled as he threw the knife at her.

Say what you would about Shizuka but there was nothing wrong with her instincts or reflexes.

Faster than many would have thought possible, she moved, blonde hair whipping, the knife sailing harmlessly past.

Brown eyes gone almost golden with incandescent rage fixed on him.

_That’s it Shizu-chan, look at me._

“Izaya!” It was a furious shout, “stop interfering!”

“Why don’t you come over here and make me?”

Fighting words if he’d ever said any. Predictably, Shizuka lunged at him, the other boys all but forgotten. Izaya took off, sprinting out the school gates and down a side alley.

Shizuka caught him. It wasn’t his intention. In his haste he’d taken the wrong street. This was gonna suck.

Shizuka hit him, Izaya’s back slammed up against the brick wall of the dead-end he’d run into, her slender arms boxed him in, slamming against the brick on either side of him.

But when her eyes met his, the mindless rage was gone, replaced by a very exasperated expression.

“You. Are. An. Idiot!”

Despite himself, Izaya smiled.

“Don’t laugh! What if I’d killed you?!” Shizuka said angrily, she still hadn’t moved away.

“Well that would be my problem, not yours.”

Shizuka gave him an icy look before dropping her gaze to his chest directly in front of her.

“Thank you,” the words were so quiet Izaya almost didn’t hear them, “I would have really hurt those boys. So thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” said Izaya honestly and Shizuka dropped her arms, pulling out her phone which was miraculously still in her jacket pocket and checking the time. School was over.

“We should go get our stuff before they lock the place up,” she said, Izaya nodded and they set off together. He expected her to walk off but she kept pace with him, standing close, her arm brushing his every so often.

“Does this mean you aren’t angry at me anymore?” Izaya dared ask, she was very quiet, shoulders hunched, face downcast, but she didn’t look angry.

“I haven’t been angry at you for a while now,” admitted Shizuka, always honest (when she wasn’t in denial). “But if you’re asking me whether I’m willing to overlook the things you did… yes.” His stopping her today didn’t fix any of the bad shit he had done but… Shizuka didn’t _want_ to fight with him anymore.

“You shouldn’t,” said Izaya, who was also being honest, for once. The better half of him was the one talking. The more Izaya-like half of him was yelling at him to stop shooting himself in the foot. The better half won, just. “You haven’t forgiven me, you just feel bad for almost hurting me.”

“I know,” said Shizuka softly. But his honestly raised her opinion of him slightly, he was absolutely willing to take this get-out-of-jail-free card she was offering him but if she did want to stay mad at him longer, he’d take it without complaint.

So she _supposed_ she didn’t have to growl at him as much as she normally would.

They reached Shizuka’s stuff, still where she’d left it at lunch, then she silently walked with Izaya to get his where he’d stashed it.

“So, I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Shizuka asked. It was a rhetorical question but Izaya knew what it meant. She _wanted_ to see him tomorrow.

He smiled, eyes warming, “absolutely.”

Shizuka smiled back but it was as quiet and withdrawn as she’d been on the way back here so when she turned to leave, Izaya caught her sleeve.

“Are you alright, Shizuka?”

She turned back to him, that blonde hair he loved swinging again, “yeah, I’m fine, look at me, not a scratch.”

That wasn’t what he’d meant, and they both knew it.

“I’m fine, really, I…” Shizuka’s expression wobbled slightly.

Izaya’s blood froze in his veins.

“I’m fine,” Shizuka said again, voice cracking. Tears began to slide down her face despite her best efforts. “I don’t have any right to be upset.” Her shoulders were shaking now. “I’m the one who…”

She broke off, crying in earnest now as everything caught up with her at once. Her misery, tension, _loneliness,_ the violence, the way she’d nearly hurt Izaya, the horrible, awful, no good week she’d had. The way she couldn’t see a way out of this; this was her life and there was _nothing_ she could do about it. The way she’d seriously lost it. She could have seriously hurt those boys and she could never, ever take that back. No one deserved violence against them. She was just awful.

And now she was standing in front of a guy who did seem to like her and crying like a child.

Izaya swore, he tentatively put his hands on her shoulders to make sure his contact was welcome. He couldn’t blame Shizuka if she never wanted anyone to touch her again, especially him.

When she didn’t shy away, and in fact, inched closer, there was nothing tentative about the way Izaya crushed her against his chest, hugging her as tightly as he could. When he wasn’t manipulating people he was bad with handling emotions, he didn’t know what to say to make her feel better, but this he could do.

One of his hands moved to cup her head as Shizuka cried into his chest, the stress and pain finally leaving her body. When she began to relax, Izaya squeezed her gently. “It’s okay, I’ve got you,” he murmured into her hair.

And as they stood there for who knows how long, Shizuka began to believe it was okay.

He did have her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed guys!


	4. Sushi of not-romance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back everyone!  
> Special thanks as always to Muzuki_chan, your comments, aside from making me squeal with joy, always let me know what it is I'm doing that works and what might need more emphasis. I can only pray I live up to your expectations! I hope you enjoyed Paris!  
> And sorry guys! I totally lost track of time, I had no idea it had been over a month since I last updated!  
> Anyway, another chapter I am not quite satisfied with, though I'll be dammed if I know why, but I hope you enjoy anyway!

* * *

_“When I look into your eyes, I'm curious to know what you see.”_ -A.K. Kuykendall

* * *

Chapter 4: Sushi of not-romance

“You motherfucker!” Shizuka yelled as she opened her bag and a crapton of glitter poured out, drenching her bag, hands, shoes and the ground. _That’s never coming out,_ she thought with a weary sigh, caught between being enraged at Izaya’s prank and impressed he’d managed to get so much glitter in her bag without her noticing when normally he couldn’t set foot in the same building as her without her noticing his smell.

 _The smell of pure evil,_ Shizuka thought in disgust, wiping her glittery hand on her skirt, succeeding only in making that sparkly too.

“Shizuka Heiwajima!” Miss Namikawa scolded, overhearing her. Shizuka liked Miss Namikawa, she didn’t care if Shizuka could put a desk through the wall, she treated her exactly the same as the other students. Including scolding her for screaming expletives in the middle of the hall.

“Sorry,” Shizuka muttered, turning red.

“No you’re not,” Miss Namikawa accused.

No, she wasn’t, Miss Namikawa was perceptive.

Deciding not to reply to that, Shizuka turned and fixed Izaya with a frigid gaze, in return, he looked so innocent she could practically see the choir of angels behind him.

 _Yeah, right,_ thought Shizuka, “you’ll get yours,” she hissed at him.

“Promises, promises Shizu-chan,” said Izaya, smiling.

“You know, Izaya’s gotten so much better since you two met,” said Shinra cheerfully after Izaya wisely walked away. “He’s only actually mean occasionally now, most of the time he’s just a dick.”

“That’s terrible,” said Shizuka sincerely, giving up and wiping her hand on her shirt. Her boob was going to be glittery for the rest of the day because of this and it was with some irritation that she said to Shinra, “he hasn’t gotten better then. He’s modifying his behaviour for me; he hasn’t really changed.”

Shinra laughed, “Izaya is more himself with you than with ever. _This_ is probably the real him.”

Shizuka didn’t understand why, Izaya might not totally know himself, but Shinra knew why the other boy was able to drop the asshole persona he’d created so easily and completely. It was because he didn’t need it. There was an inherent kindness to Shizuka, anyone who took a second to get to know her could see that. No matter how much she might want to kill him for the shit he did, Shizuka would never hurt Izaya’s heart, so the walls he put up to keep that from happening weren’t needed. Izaya didn’t even trust Shinra that much but while Izaya made much of Shizuka’s ability to understand him, it was very much a two-way street, he knew she would never ever do anything to cause him true emotional pain.

Death and permanent bodily harm were still on the table, but no relationship was perfect.

“Hn,” said Shizuka dismissively, but she continued to think, was Shinra right? Izaya was an avatar of Chaos and the embodiment of evil, those were non-negotiable facts. But the rest of it? Was the flirty, morally-ambiguous but okay guy she wanted to believe in the real him? Or was he just a jerk through and through?

Shizuka remembered Izaya and Shinra spotting each other in the hall and Izaya’s face lighting up as he waved at them. Shit. Fuck. Ugh, ugh, ugh! Okay, not a _complete_ jerk. She’d thought that before but was sure of it now. Izaya might have morals that were questionable at best and non-existent at worse, but he _loved_ those who were his own.

However, just because he wasn’t an _actual psychopath_ did not mean he was an okay guy. There was a huge difference.

Shizuka sighed heavily through her nose, she was nothing if not practical and there was a really easy and obvious way to determine what type of person Izaya was under his 50+ layers of charm, sarcasm, apathy and mischief. She just wasn’t going to like it.

Spend time with Izaya Orihara? She might as well just go outside and destroy public property now and save herself the hassle.

* * *

Izaya practically skipped down the sidewalk, Shizuka following at a more sedate pace, her uniform sparkling in the sunlight.

Truth be told, Shizuka had been a little nervous asking Izaya out, there was a part of her -a large part, she’d just discovered- that kept expecting Izaya to turn around and laugh and ask if she’d _actually believed him_ when he’d said he liked her, even _she_ wasn’t that stupid, was she? Now that she’d realized she had this worry, Shizuka couldn’t get rid of it, she’d be skeptical if any guy said he liked her, but _this_ one? Doubtful didn’t begin to cover it.

Still, Izaya had seemed genuinely thrilled to go somewhere with her, his smile infectious. But now he slowed his gait and turned to walk backwards, looking at her.

Izaya plucked a small, white flower from a nearby bush, “talk to me, what’s got you so withdrawn?” He brushed Shizuka’s hair back, tucking the flower behind her ear.

Shizuka’s cheeks turned scarlet, she glanced down, “nothing, I’m naturally quiet,” not that you would know it from the way she normally acted around him.

“It’s got something to do with me, hasn’t it?” Izaya said shrewdly, studying her. “I admit, I’m struggling to think what. I haven’t done anything that could upset you.”

A short pause.

“Recently.”

Another pause.

“That you know of anyway.”

Shizuka wasn’t even going to touch that second statement, she concentrated on the first. “Not everything in my life has to do with you!” She said, still blushing.

“Well I can dream,” said Izaya. Growing serious again he said, “maybe not everything in your life is about me but this is. You haven’t even looked at me since we left the school.”

So this was what it felt like to be on the receiving end of Izaya’s overly perceptive gaze? Shizuka found she didn’t much care for it at all. “Nothing’s wrong,” she said, “I’m just thinking. Not about you!”

“Then look at me.” At the challenge in his statement Shizuka’s head jerked up, their eyes met for a second before hers flicked away. Izaya sighed dramatically, “you’re going to make me beg, aren’t you?”

He gently set his hands on her shoulders and looked deep into her eyes. “Please tell me what’s wrong. If I’ve done something to upset you I’d like to at least try and fix it and if it really isn’t me, I’d like to help.”

He was really worried, Shizuka’s instincts told her he really _did_ care about her, as strange as that was. She needed to stop listening to her insecurities that said otherwise.

“It’s nothing,” Shizuka said, more sincerely this time, “I was just being dumb. And… I’m sorry for doubting you.”

Doubting him? What could Shizu-chan be doubting about hi- _Oh,_ the truth clicked in Izaya’s brain, duh, of course she didn’t believe he really liked her, Shizuka had enough self-esteem issues to fill a lake and he wasn't exactly Mr. Nice Guy.

He shook it off, he’d convince her, it would take however long it took, he couldn’t rush it.

“That’s fine. Just don’t do it again,” he said arrogantly, making Shizuka chuckle slightly.

“You’re a little overprotective, has anyone ever told you that?” She said as they continued walking, Izaya _stared_ at her.

"No,” he said honestly, “no one has _ever_ told me that.”

They passed the new place Izaya had suggested and ducked inside. Simon, the guy who worked there, greeted them with a huge smile.

“Izaya!” He said in a booming voice before stopping and staring, “and this Shizuka, da?”

Oh God… whenever people knew her by sight it was never good. Shizuka wasn’t infamous enough (yet) that the average person on the street could recognize her on sight, so those who did were often distinctly not-average.

“Yeah…” she responded cautiously.

Simon gave her one of those big grins, “Izaya here talk about you all the time,” he gave Izaya a friendly clap on the shoulder that sent his knees buckling.

“Well maybe once or twice,” Izaya managed, a blush spreading across his cheeks. Shizuka stared at it, she wasn’t sure she’d ever seen him blush before. He was very cute.

If the slow headshake the guy behind the counter gave was any indication it was more than once or twice but Simon let it go. Shizuka relaxed, this guy had called Izaya by name, he was obviously how they knew of her.

They sat down and ordered sushi together, Simon hovered, making sure they had everything they needed but eventually left to go help another customer, leaving Shizuka alone with Izaya.

At first they only talked about casual things, the sort of things they would discuss while walking to class, but eventually the conversation turned.

“Two younger sisters? How old are they?”

“Five, almost six,” said Izaya with a grimace, tasting his drink.

“I take it you aren’t thrilled having two sisters?”

He shrugged, muscles moving fluidly under his red shirt, his jacket on the seat next to him, “they’re my sisters. I’d die for them, but I’d also happily feed them to alligators, you know?”

“No,” said Shizuka honestly, she _adored_ Kasuka. She had once or twice lashed out at him while in a rage but while she was in control, she loved him beyond reason. She eyed Izaya thoughtfully while sipping her own drink, “and I know you wouldn’t feed your sisters to alligators.”

At his how-sure-are-you? raised eyebrow, Shizuka shrugged, “like I said, you’re very protective, you just don’t want anyone to know because you don’t want the people you love to get hurt because of your shit or know how much you care so _they_ can’t hurt you.”

Izaya stared at Shizuka again, his cup halfway to his mouth. He blinked, then smiled, setting the cup down. “You’re dangerous, just not for the reason people think.”

Shizuka scowled at the table, “wrong. I’m dangerous for exactly the reason people think."

Izaya snickered, “yeah well, that too.”

One of the many, many things that annoyed Shizuka about Izaya was that he just _never stopped talking._ When he was giving a pseudo-intellectual monologue about humanity or morality or some shit he made her want to rip her hair out. But when actually having a conversation he was witty, funny and intelligent. When his guard dropped and he started to talk honestly instead of with his usual teasing and sarcasm, he was even kind of… sweet. Not a word Shizuka ever thought she’d apply to Izaya Orihara but here they were.

But eventually the conversation changed again.

“But you wouldn’t like me if I did that,” said Izaya softly. They were talking about some of the things Izaya had done and some of the things he wanted to do.

He watched Shizuka with calm eyes. He was a jerk but he wasn’t an entitled one, he reserved his right to mess with people as he wanted but if someone decided to retaliate -say, by throwing a street sign at him- well that was more than fair. Talk shit, get hit, as it were.

However the thing stopping him crossing the line was Shizuka. Because she wouldn’t like him if he hurt people. And more importantly, he’d upset her if he did that. But it was a part of Izaya he wasn’t sure he was willing to give up, even for her.

“I don’t like you anyway,” said Shizuka.

 _The lady doth protest too much, methinks,_ thought Izaya, while he was sure it was true, to an extent, Shizuka was currently sitting next to him on the booth, he’d moved to show her something on his phone. He hadn’t moved back, and she hadn’t asked him to. Now Shizuka had her feet tucked up underneath her, leaning against Izaya’s side as she poked a recent order of suspicious-looking sushi trying to decide whether or not to eat it. Even when she claimed to dislike him she made no move to pull away. So yeah, it was hard for Izaya to believe she disliked him that much. Right now anyway.

“Maybe, maybe not, but I want you to like me,” said Izaya, “and while that’s important to me, more importantly; I don’t want to hurt you. If I hurt someone, even a little, that would upset you.”

“It would make me mad, sure, but I don’t think upset is the right word.” Shizuka demurred with a frown, playing with a lock of hair.

Izaya laughed, “no, upset. _Hurt._ You hide it behind a grouchy attitude but you have far too much empathy. And a marshmallow heart.”

That made Shizuka jerk her head up with a start, “I do _not_ have a marshmallow heart!”

“You hated me on sight but you still tried to befriend me just because Shinra would be mildly inconvenienced if we weren’t friends.”

“I-yeah-well-shut up!” Stammered Shizuka, blushing. Stupid Izaya and his stupid getting into people’s heads!

“And your wrong anyway!” She said, moving to sit up straight, picking up her cup and sipping at it before slamming it back down, ignoring the liquid that flew out, “I’m not angry at you because of shit you _want_ to do! I have enough shit to be angry about now without worrying about a hypothetical future! I don’t care about that!”

“And… well…” Shizuka lowered her voice, she wasn’t very good with words, and her feelings for Izaya were mixed at best so this was probably going to sound highly contradictory and probably a little dumb but she’d be damned if that stopped her from ploughing ahead anyway. “I don’t want you to change for me. That’s not real change, and even if it was, it’s not right. Even if I do want you to change on your own. And…” she’d been scowling at the table again but her brown eyes flicked up to meet Izaya’s, “you remember back when I told you to stay away from me?”

Shizuka couldn’t keep eye contact and looked back down at the table, fuck this was hard! “I won’t do that again. If you hurt anybody, really hurt, not just annoy, I will _beat your ass!_ But… I won’t push you away for it… I don’t want to. It’s who you are, and I like who you are… even though I don’t.” Shizuka took a deep breath after she finished her unusually long speech and glanced back up at Izaya, “did any of that make sense?”

He was staring at her again, just staring in stunned silence, that was at least the third time today. Shizuka squirmed uncomfortably.

Izaya said something so quietly Shizuka wouldn’t have noticed if she hadn’t seen his mouth move, it looked like ‘thank you’.

“Hm?” She asked.

“I said ‘I like you too’,” said Izaya, no trace of that amazement on his face now.

“Right, sure,” said Shizuka, gripping the edge of her seat and fighting a blush. This was what she had meant when she said her life was uncomplicated without Izaya! He twisted her stomach in knots and made her brain threaten to fizzle out! What the hell was she even supposed to say now? She’d made it weird, goddamn it. Shizuka risked looking up at Izaya and found he hadn’t looked away, reaching out he ran his thumb across her bottom lip, sending a thrill through her entire body. Her lip felt like it was on fire.

“You had some rice on your lip,” Izaya explained, she hadn’t and they both knew it. His hand was still touching her face, “it’s getting late. And we need to leave, or I’m going to do something crazy like kiss you. And it would be a shame to end this nice evening being thrown through a wall.”

Well… maybe she wouldn’t throw him very hard, Shizuka reasoned. She opened her mouth to say so when her brain unhelpfully reminded her that her parents were going away tonight for the weekend so Kasuka would be home alone. _Now_ her brain wanted to work!

She reached for the strap of her bag, “you’re right, I should go, Kasuka’s home alone.” And mature as hell or not he was still her brother and still young, she worried.

Izaya stood immediately to let Shizuka out of the booth, “of course. I should be leaving as well. I’ll see you around Shizu-chan, probably much sooner than you’d like.”

“Not ‘probably’,” grumbled Shizuka, but it lacked bite with everything she’d just told him.

Shizuka left, without chewing out Izaya for using that stupid nickname she hated, he watched her leave, heart still pounding. Shizuka knew him better than anyone except Shinra but she didn’t know _everything_ about him and Izaya doubted she knew how much what she’d said meant to him. To hear that she wouldn’t push him away… the one thing he wanted more than anything. Izaya didn’t deserve it and he knew it but that promise still made a slight lump form in his throat. Getting close to him because they were both friends with Shinra or because she couldn’t fight the pull between them either was one thing but Shizuka _cared_ about him for _him_. Izaya might be a jerk but he didn’t take things like that for granted. His heart was still pounding, and he could still feel her warmth against him.

Glancing down to grab his own bag Izaya noticed that his right side, the one Shizuka had been leaning against, was _covered_ in glitter, standing out starkly against the black of his trousers. He’d put glitter in her bag as a prank. And glitter stuck to _everything._ Izaya’s shoulders jerked with laughter, “touché Shizu-chan.”

* * *

“Argh!” With a delighted angry yell Shizuka rolled from her stomach to her back, holding her phone in the air above her, she was playing cards against Izaya online and the bastard had just beaten her for the fifth time in a row.

“Jerk,” she clicked on a new game, still smiling.

Her mother, Namiko, glanced at her, “what’s got you so worked up?”

“Oh,” Shizuka blushed, “I’m just playing a game with a friend. He’s winning.”

“Shinra?” Her mother guessed.

 _Because I only have one friend,_ Shizuka thought with amusement. Out loud she said, “no, someone else. You don’t know him.”

This time her blush was very obvious and her mother saw, “who?”

“His name’s Izaya Orihara, he’s a friend of Shinra’s from middle school,” explained Shizuka.

Ah, a friend of Shinra’s, that explained why Shizuka, notorious for pushing away everyone she could, knew the guy, thought Namiko. What it didn’t explain was the light in her eyes or the smile dancing on her lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I was writing this chapter Fallin for You by Colbie Callait came on and I swear I screamed.  
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed guys, bye!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it guys!


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